Marriage Advice

I’m getting married in a few days. Yeah. I’m definitely starting to feel the pressure come on. Everyone keeps saying that I must be all set and ready to go and I’m sure this look of panic comes over my face, and I get that deer in the headlights look with the stammering answer of “Nope, not quite yet.” And then I think about the people who do have everything ready this early and realize that I am incredibly jealous of people that do not procrastinate.

But the wedding planning part isn’t really the important part. To be honest the wedding itself isn’t the most important part. In all reality no one remembers those little things anyway. Now don’t get me wrong, the wedding is a big deal. I have been very careful not to be exposed to the things I am allergic to, I have washed my face every night with all natural cleansing wash. I have gotten my hair colored back to its natural color. I have done the things that I wanted to do so that I can be beautiful on my wedding day. I think that although the wedding itself is important, the thing that really matters is that I am marrying my soul mate. All those cliché sayings sound so lame until you realize that you truly did not know you were missing a part of yourself until you found your other half. The way that I am choosing to look at this wedding is that although there are things that I care about, all that really matters is that when we end that day, we’ll be married. We could have the most beautiful wedding in the world but if you aren’t ready for the amount of work that marriage is, then it’s all for waste. Or you could get married in a courthouse with one witness and have that marriage last forever.

I’m hoping that I have the strength of character and honesty with myself to be going into this marriage with all the dedication and understanding that I believe that I have. I know that marriage is hard work and that it is a journey that sometimes seems like an uphill battle but because my fiance and I love each other so completely we know we are doing the right thing. Because we are getting married so soon, everyone is sharing their advice on how to make a good marriage. This is a list of the most recent advice and my thoughts on why I do think these things are incredibly important.

11493774-wedding-rings-can-be-tricky-purchase

Always kiss me goodnight. I think one of the most tragic things that a couple can do is stop being affectionate. It’s so easy to do. When you’re together a long time, months, years, whatever, you start to get so used to them that you forgot how special they are. Love and affection need to be tended constantly.

Don’t go to bed angry. This one is sort of self explanatory. It’s a bit of a cliché statement as well but one of the worst feelings in the world is waking up angry. And a lot of times, it almost feels like unless you address the wounds while they are fresh, you can take the chance of letting them fester.

Be your spouse’s champion. This token is essential. We all get caught up in it. No one is going to annoy you more than your spouse. It’s just a fact. We are human and no matter how much you love each other, sometimes you are going to drive each other up the wall. But you should never bad mouth your spouse. You can laugh and joke about those little things they do that drive you crazy but in true fights, you never want to turn others against your spouse. No one else is going to love your spouse like you do and if all they hear are the bad things, they might not view your spouse in a good way. You should sing their praises from the roof tops as much as you can.

Put your spouse above everything and everyone else. This one sounds a little weird because the person who told me said that you should put them not only before the standard stuff like work and friends, but even in front of your children in some ways. Which for a woman is very hard. But the way she explained it is that someday your children will leave and look to someone else for their needs, when they are gone don’t you want that love and devotion to still be there. A well loved husband will help you through all those growing pains if you let him.

Remember that women actually have the power and that it only takes a few things to make a man happy and if you do, he’ll move mountains for you. I love this one. It was such a simple, honest statement. Not to over simplify it but it pretty much came down to make him hot meals, be available to give him attention, and do the things with him that make him happy and a man can’t help himself. He will try his best to make sure you feel as good as he does.

Always communicate. This is the one that everyone tells you but it also tends to be the one that most people ignore. No matter how in love you are, you are sometimes going to want different things and sometimes you will have different expectations. You are two different people. But I think it’s really important as a wife to always be honest about your expectations.  If you want the dishes done you can’t expect your husband to just guess and get it done for you. Especially if when he doesn’t, you get mad or resentful toward him because you feel like he doesn’t do enough to help. You should have the ability to ask. Just ask your husband to do the dishes. And when you don’t want something, don’t be afraid to say no, discuss it, and try to compromise.

Wait for kids, be a married couple first. A friend of mine brought this one up. He got married a little younger than me and if I remember correctly they got pregnant on the honeymoon, which was a little earlier than they were planning. And although, I’m sure they have no regrets, it was a good point. Even though we’ve been together a long time, there’s nothing like your first year of marriage. Being newlyweds is both incredibly fun and a lot of adjustment.

Always do the small things and never take him for granted because you don’t know how long he will be there. This one was powerful because of the person it came from. Never ever stop making your spouse feel like they are loved and special because there is absolutely no predicting the future. And love and life is so precious.

Get your finances in order before you take the plunge. Money is one of the biggest reasons for divorce in the United States. It sounds kind of cynical but you should go into marriage, a life long commitment, with your eyes completely open and that means being on the same page about money. That means having those tough discussions about priorities and spending. My fiancé is a planner and I’m more the optimistic “we’ll make it work” kind of person. Sometimes that opposition can be a disaster if you are not realistic about your needs and your goals. I can be the stay at home mom that I want to be if I can respect and follow my fiancé’s financial plans. We can compromise about what we want and need.

The perfect marriage is when two imperfect people learn to enjoy their differences. I think that says it all.

That’s the main advice that I have been given so far and I really think that they are not only important anecdotes but things that everyone should incorporate into their lives no matter how long they have been married. So you tell me, blog readers, what’s the best advice you can give or have been given? Let me know what I’m missing.

Advertisements

3 thoughts on “Marriage Advice

  1. Not a bad list. 🙂 I wouldn’t live or die by the “never go to bed angry” rule, though. It should always be a priority to resolve an issue, and you should never carry an unspoken grudge overnight…
    Sometimes, though, an issue comes up that you just can’t resolve in the space of one evening. If it gets to being past midnight and you both have to get up early an you’ve been talking in circles since dinner…just go to bed. Commit to resolving the issue, even if you resolve it the next day after work. Sometimes the stupid things you can say when you’re tired could do more damage than the original hurts that caused the fight.
    I think the heart of the idea is that issues shouldn’t go unresolved, and that’s true.

    • I agree. That was probably one of the pieces that I felt the least strongly about. Sometimes, I just need some quiet time alone, some time to put things into a perspective of asking myself if this is really all that important before I can get to the point that I can apologize. I absolutely agree that the most important thing is not let things go unresolved because when they do come back up , they tend to be a lot messier because there is a lot more resentment on top of the hurts.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s